So Worth Loving

3, 2, 1 Go – Four little words that cause my palms to sweat, my pulse to quicken, and my muscles to tense up. When the clock beeps it’s go time and I start moving towards the goal of the day  – rounds, reps, time, or just plain finishing. Though I have many favorite parts of CrossFit these four little words are some of my favorites.

After years of gymnastics, dance, and then working out at the athletic club I started at an unassuming box in Denver last May. I quickly fell in love with the technical movements, the variety of workouts, the community, and the way I felt each time I left the gym with my legs shaking, my lungs burning, and my muscles beginning to ache. Doing CrossFit makes me feel strong.

Growing up I had many identities – gymnast, dancer, bookworm, sister, daughter to name a few – but I never viewed myself as skinny. I related to songs like “Booty-licious”, “Ms. New Booty”, and “Baby Got Back”, and I desperately wanted to be skinny like the other girls in my classes. I wanted to wear a bikini, have a flat stomach, and a smooth butt. But I also desperately wanted to eat spaghetti for dinner instead of a salad. In college I worked out so that I could eat, and while I began to experiment in the kitchen and my diet expanded to include vegetables, I also started tracking my calories. Measuring out my meals down to the number of carrots I had with lunch. I hated it. I hated feeling bad about myself when I was hungry and ate too many calories. Or when we got home from the bars late and decided to order pizza. I hated comparing my body to my friends’ bodies and I hated that I couldn’t love myself.

CrossFit has been instrumental in helping me change my attitude. Yes, I have muscles, but my muscles serve a purpose. They are strong and powerful and they allow me to do things I’ve never imagined. Not only does CrossFit make me feel strong, but it makes me feel capable. CrossFit has helped me shift my perspective. My body is “femininely badass” and I love that I can say those words, while also believing it deep within my soul.

This week I registered for the CrossFit Open. A 5 week competition that anyone can participate in. Each week a workout is posted that everyone completes. They then post their scores online and the top 20 men and women in each state will advance to regionals. There is no way that I will fall into that category, but instead participate in an act of celebration. To be a part of the community that is changing my life, to prove to myself how far I have come since starting in May, and to challenge myself to push harder than ever before. I’m excited and you better believe I will update you as the Open progresses. 

PS. For a little peek inside my brain —>

When I sit down to brainstorm what I will write about each week I start with a list of the things that happened –

1. Spend the entire day airport hopping on Valentine’s day
2. Work
3. CrossFit

Usually the list is longer and there is at least one thing that stands out as “blog-worthy”. One thing that I find more interesting than the mundane items I see on my list above. I even considered not writing a post this week because in my opinion nothing exciting happened, but then I remembered my purpose for starting this blog in the first place and I gave myself a little kick in the butt. When I took a closer look at the events of my week there were moments of grace and joy, moments “blog-worthy”, and dare I say, moments worth celebrating. This week I’m thankful for my body. For being healthy and strong, for being able to do CrossFit, and for loving myself – because I am so worth loving.