Courage, Patience and Connection, these are my words of 2019. I chose them when I was reflecting on 2018 and I was thinking about what my hopes and dreams are for this trip around the sun. One didn’t fit without the other and I think I’m only just beginning the ways that they weave together.
I chose courage because the second half, of the second year of medical school is notoriously one of the most difficult, all because of this little blip in April. It’s called the USMLE Step 1 and is the first of board certifying exams. Basically, it’s a multiple-choice test in clinical vignette style based on the first 2 years of medical school. Each question goes a little something like this:
A 35-year-old woman presents to the emergency department with acute onset shortness of breath. She states that she recently returned to the United States from a trip overseas when she started having pain in her left calf. She has a 10-pack year smoking history and takes oral contraception. Her labs show…. Which of the following possible risk factors is most responsible for her symptoms?
Do you know the answer? It’s okay if you don’t!
I seek courage to face each day and to look inward at my own strengths. I’m an Enneagram Type 1 and basically that means that I’m constantly striving for perfection. I know that’s an unrealistic expectation, but that’s where courage comes in. I’m looking for courage to make mistakes and to stumble from time to time this year.
I seek patience to trust that the plan I have is the best one I can come up with and that the rest is held safely in the hands of God. Today, I had my first test in the Infectious Disease block. It didn’t go as well as I hoped, and as I looked at my score, I felt this deep sense of frustration that I wasn’t good enough, or that somehow, I’m doing this whole thing wrong. I looked at the average and my mind went to all of the ways that I didn’t measure up compared to them. This comparison game is one of my biggest enemies, so I’m seeking patience to trust in my own learning and in the cycles of ups and downs.
Connection is my final word because I want to hold tightly onto human connection. A few years ago I read this article but it still feels relevant. All of her sentiments ring true and leave me feeling convicted of living life in distraction. I’m seeking to connect deeply this year, with friends, family, patients, the world around me.
Courage, patience and connection. Those are the words of 2019 and I guess I’m a perfectionist that tries to see the world as a glass half full of cabernet sauvignon, full bodied and savory.
Do you have a word? Or two, or three?
Glimpse of Grace 