I recently spent a morning on palliative care and I wondered, “How do you deal with so much death and dying?” My preceptor declared that there were many things more terrifying than death. With her patients, she has the opportunity to consider quality of life and contemplate death on a daily basis; things like, where do we go when we die? While it seemed calming to her, it sounded terrifying to me.
We went to visit a patient who was admitted to in-patient hospice. According to the doc, death was near.
She looked comfortable, sedated with pain medication, but to the touch she was very warm. Her heart beat fast, her breathing irregular, her eyes closed. I introduced myself before placing my stethoscope to her skin. Did she hear what I was saying? Did she understand who I was? Her husband sat next to her and held her hand. Their tiny, fluffy dog moved about the room. For just a few moments, it didn’t feel like a hospital.
Death would not happen today, but maybe tomorrow.
So, I asked her, “How do you deal with so much death and dying?”. The doctor said there were things more fearful than dying, and maybe that’s why there are so many books, movies, and bucket lists on death. Maybe the thing we fear more than leaving this earth, is leaving this earth without truly living our lives. Were you present with the people in your life? Did you tell people you loved them? Were you vulnerable in that conversation even though it scared you? Did you take risks, laugh often, cry freely? These aren’t the things that make a life lived-well, but they might mean that you were truly yourself and maybe that makes a life well-lived.