What is success? I’ve asked myself this question a lot in the last few months as I’ve battled with thoughts of comparison and self-doubt. My performance has been under the microscope as we hastily wrap up our third year of medical school where our grades are mostly determined through individual evaluations by our clinical preceptors.…… Continue reading Did I Get a Gold Star?
Are we playing at being God when we are forced to choose who gets the single remaining ventilator? When we decide to withdraw care in order to free up scarce resources? Who will be there to pick up the pieces for these physicians who are making these decisions that no human was meant to face?…… Continue reading Equity//Equality
**trigger warning** A family friend shot himself in the head last week. Is that jarring? I thought so. He’s still alive, but probably not for much longer. Going home on hospice care because the ventilators are needed for other people who want to live. Anger. Sadness. Despair. There is no room for second chances here.…… Continue reading We Spin On
In college, there were always those students who “set the curve”. They did the best on exams and therefore defined how the grading would play out for the rest of the class. We have a different kind of curve on our hands, but we all play a role in how this curve is set. We…… Continue reading Who Sets This Curve?
I sank to the floor and tears rolled down my cheeks when I read the email titled “Pause to Third Year Clerkships”. I was trying to stay calm before this huge decision, but I felt overwhelmed and out of control the moment it was made. Between the stresses of finishing up third year, studying for…… Continue reading There Are Lessons to Be Learned
COVID-19 This seems to be the word on everyone’s lips. Followed by anxiety, fear, astonishment and uncertainty. We get multiple emails a day with updates but even that doesn’t feel like enough. It’s changing rapidly and now I’m sitting in my apartment for what feels like the 100th hour practicing “social distancing”. We aren’t canceling…… Continue reading Another Cancellation
I slowed my pace as I walked from the Emergency Department CT scanner back to my computer in Care Unit 1. My shoes briefly disturbed the down that had settled on the floor. Gravity pulled it back to the ground. As I passed the recess bay, my eyes turned to where more feathers rested amidst…… Continue reading Not My Patagonia
July began in the hospital, with my first week on Internal Medicine. IPIM, or in-patient internal medicine, is our chance to learn how to take care of patients who are admitted to the hospital. We have four weeks spread throughout our third year that consist of 6 days each. The hours are long, and its…… Continue reading Stuck
I recently spent a morning on palliative care and I wondered, “How do you deal with so much death and dying?” My preceptor declared that there were many things more terrifying than death. With her patients, she has the opportunity to consider quality of life and contemplate death on a daily basis; things like, where…… Continue reading The 5 Letter Word
I arrived at the hospital as the sun was rising, the sleep slowly wearing off and the coffee ran through my veins. I planned to sit down at a computer in the office to start reviewing my patients charts before going to see them, but the morning had other plans for me. My doc walked…… Continue reading Suction, please