I sank to the floor and tears rolled down my cheeks when I read the email titled “Pause to Third Year Clerkships”. I was trying to stay calm before this huge decision, but I felt overwhelmed and out of control the moment it was made. Between the stresses of finishing up third year, studying for final exams, choosing a specialty and planning for our fourth year this was the straw to break my camel’s back.
What would happen next for us?
It’s been over one week since the news that brought me to my knees. In the last week, I’ve been on numerous virtual calls while spending a lot of time with my cat. I went to the grocery store and bought a half-dozen eggs because that was all that was left. I learned how to put a phone on hold, transfer calls, and checked on my grandma to make sure she didn’t go to her regular card playing event.
No one knows the answers, but my school has jumped at the chance to use this pandemic as an opportunity to learn, to grow as leaders, to serve our communities in other ways than with direct patient care. We are open to allowing these uncertain times shape and mold us for the better. That being said, it would be dishonest to say that I’m not worried for what will happen next or wonder how this will all pan out.
At the end of the day, I’m incredibly thankful for the lessons I’m learning and the grace that there is for everyone who is just figuring it out as we go. 2020 will be the year of rolling with it and we will come out stronger no matter the course set before us.